The Ancient and Sacred Order of the Juniper Berry |
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Today is a glorious day. It is time for all to reflect on the mighty filtration power of the kidney. Adequate glomerular flow is essential to homostasis and the production of valuable fluids, thus it is necessary to maintain respect of the mighty organs. The Ancient and Sacred Order of the Juniper Berry was started by NEPHROS OF THEBES, after a journey to Mount Parnassus. After reaching its summit, he realised the path he took resembled the outline of a kidney and ureter. Upon this discovery, his nose was instantly filled with the scent of juniper, which overwhelmed his senses. Confident that he was sent a message from the gods, he felt compelled to spread the word of what had taken place on the mountain. After NEPHROS' return, people were unwilling to listen to the stories he tried to tell. His customers began to doubt his sanity, and his business as a grocer dwindled. NEPHROS was dejected, but insisted that what he experienced was real. Late one evening, with NEPHROS heavily intoxicated at the tavern, he was greeted by CALYX OF DELPHI. He heard of NEPHROS' journey, and shared tales of a similar experience he had himself. CALYX remained silent until that point since he could not afford to tarnish his reputation. NEPHROS and CALYX agreed to form a partnership to record their experiences and establish their meaning. This was the beginning of The Sacred Order. With NEPHROS and CALYX continuing to philosophise, they produced innumerable texts pertaining to the kidneys. They were read to the public after their completion, which garnered the attention of KING ANGEION. The king was dismayed at the growing influence of The Sacred Order. After the king's attempt to destroy the sacred texts, NEPHROS and CALYX took them and fled to Mount Parnassus. Upon arriving, they were met with a legion of followers, all observing the distinct kidney-shaped path to the summit. NEPHROS and CALYX announced the king's intent to silence them, and the decision was made by the group to hide the texts in a secret area. They began to carve into the limestone of the mountain to form what are now known as The Catacombs of the Juniper Berry. When NEPHROS and CALYX finally sealed the texts inside, every member of The Sacred Order vowed to keep the true location of the texts secret. After the discovery of the catacombs and the texts stored within nearly 2700 years later, The Sacred Order was reestablished to honour, once again, the glorious kidney. To attest to the divine powers that guided The Ancient and Sacred Order of the Juniper Berry, the map of The Catacombs resembles the molecular structure of renin, an enzyme not discovered until 1898. |